best of '05.

top ten flicks:

10. revenge of the sith
9. broken flowers
8. batman begins
7. waiting...
6. hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy
5. kung fu hustle
4. unleashed
3. serenity
2. sin city
1. 3-iron

in all, a pretty weak year cinematically. I'm ashamed to even have sith on my list, but have to admit it wasn't as bad as I feared. and I did see it twice. and sure, I saw the incredibles and ray, but they didn't do much for me. there were several disappointments (the ringer, land of the dead, thumbsucker), and a few surprises (ong-bak, saving face, year of the yao)... honourable mentions would go to the sea inside, hotel rwanda, a very long engagement and bride and prejudice. dishonourables to izo, the world and nobody knows, if for now other reason than I was scared of miyuki's people for awhile after watching it.

I don't even have a list of music... I didn't buy much. I like death cab's new album, but thought translatlanticism was better. I'm really digging on matisyahu. picaresque by the decemberists didn't disappoint. I like aqualung a lot. but the best album I discovered in 2005 has to be funeral by the arcade fire. I listened to that thing non-stop for about three months... technically not a 2005 album, but I've always been late to pick up on things, I'm pretty sure I didn't hear about it til spring of '05. I don't really feel like digging through old archives of questionable content to find when he first mentioned it, but I know that's when I went looking for them....

otherwise, too much of my year isn't easily quantifiable into handy top ten lists. I've definitely got a better job, nicer apartment and happier homelife at the end of the year than I did at the beginning. I think that's what's most important, anyway.

normalcy has returned.

finally feeling human again. took bloody long enough. did get the bad news tho that my bro in law got sick again. so this can be a recurring thing, which would totally suck. we need to really disinfect the house, particularly the bathroom.

since we were feeling better, we decided to venture up to alderwood so miyuki could do some shopping. that was a mistake. there were more people there today than before xmas. and they were assholes, too. there was NO parking. we drove through the parking lot, took half an hour. partly because fuckers kept stopping in the middle of the lanes, waiting for parking spots that would never appear. some bitch soccer mom actually rolled down her window and started screaming at me in front of her kids (I was hoping that vein in her forehead would pop) because I had the AUDACITY to honk at her for not moving. she wanted me to go around. you know, on the other side of the lane, where the oncoming traffic was. it has reaffirmed my utter hatred of the mall.

we did stop at alfy's for a pizza for lunch. it's probably the best pizza you can get in lynnwood, which isn't saying much.

we did get a letter from the guvment with an interview appoint,ent for miyuki. come feb 16 she MAY have her green card, but we're not sure. her interview at the consulate led directly to her visa. but the green card may need to be mailed to us, so we may need to wait a few more weeks after that. I know she's itching to get home, so we're hoping we can head back to canada in february. I miss me some chineefoo.

this week has just sucked. I didn't accomplish much at work. released some job packets, did some filing, built some little kits. should have done a LOT more, but I felt crap most of the time I was there... and well, I shouldn't have had to be there to begin with, so that didn't help with the motivation. now it's new years weekend, and I don't even know what we're doing. odds are I'll be asleep long before midnight tomorrow. most new years eves I've been unconscious by midnight (including a couple of the clubhouse parties)... I'm old. and lame.

boxing day massacre.

so I mentioned my sister's entire family was having a happy sickmas with a stomach bug? they decided to share a little holiday cheer.

we got home last night about 6:30. we have spent part of the afternoon with my sister, her husband, and their one year old. and the baby is adorable, it's impossible not to tickle him and whatnot. we should have avoided him like the plague he was, but it was too irresistable.

by 9pm miyuki was down for the count. two hours later, I joined her on the mat. I've emptied my stomach contents at least twice in a horrifically violent manner. the first wave hit me so abruptly that I made a mess of the entire bathroom. a lunch of mongolian grill and dinner of leftover chicken curry is NOT fun to be cleaning off the floor and walls surrounding the toilet. I've also ass squirted more times than I can count.

so early this morning, I call my bro in law to ask for pointers... there are none. try to keep the fluids down, which means tiny sips. even a cofee mug of water would be two much and would come right back up.

call them back later this morning, they tell us the good news that it seems tobe the first 12 hours that's brutal, then it's a couple days of just normal flulike symptoms. you know, aching and feeling like death. but no puking or liquishits. he also tells me the suspected origin of this bug...

one of the local high schools had to close early before the xmas break, because over 600 kids all came down with the same bug simultaneously. they closed the school to disinfect it, but not beforemany of these kids went home and infected their younger siblings, who in turn passed it along to my 8 year old nephew at his grade school. it spreads through his family, then to mine.

they figure it was norwalk virus, not a "stomach flu"... this is the mystery illness that kept hitting all those cruise ships awhile back.

so basically, I got screwed. I got the cruise ship bug without the cruise. and we suffered last night through probably the worst night we can recall. it was brutal.

and just think, I have to go to work tomorrow.. even if it's just to go in at 6 to open the building and come back home...

pillage and burn.

this is how much of a nerd I am. the entirity of my xmas loot is either books or dvds. in one case, it's kind of both.

on dvd:
red dwarf series 5
red dwarf series 6
scrubs season 2
ikiru (criterion, and one of my all-time fave movies)
hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy (original bbc series)
3-iron (twice, in fact)

in print:
fraud - david rakoff
don't get too comfortable - david rakoff
dress your family in corduroy and denim - david sedaris
the truth with jokes - al franken
mythbusters: the explosive truth behind 30 of the most perplexing urban legends of all time
the republican war on science - chris mooney
the salmon of doubt - douglas adams


miyuki got more domestic stuff. a rolling pin, a teapot, some books, a big puzzle, and a pretty pearl pendant from hawaii. we both received the annual "nana is the bestest relative ever" card chock full o' cash. who says money can't buy love?

it does make me feel a bit old. watching all the toys my three nephews got, and trust me, they got a SHITLOAD of toys... it wasn't that long ago when I used to get toys. it almost has me wanting to go out to buy some gadget (ipod nano, maybe?) just to feel like a kid again. but my xmas cash is going towards a new computer in the spring, I hope. we'll see if I can actually hold onto it... I've been saving for a new compy for six months now, and it never seems to actually stay saved, more pressing issues always come up...

we saw a couple movies this weekend too. the ringer yesterday, family stone wotday with my sister and bro in law. ringer was a bit too sentimental for my liking, not enough crude humour (c'mon, it was the farrelly bros!). what disturbed me the most was spending the entire movie thinking one of the 'tards was a jackass guy. got home, looked it up and realised I DID in fact recognise jed rees, but not from jackass. he's anson on the chris isaak show. but there's an uncanny resemblance between him and chris pontius. it's freaky. family stone was about what I had expected. hoped for more, feared it would be worse. it hit a happy medium. had some funny parts, some sappy parts. luke wilson made the movie. and claire danes is back on the radar I think, between this and shop girl... and here I thought her role in igby goes down was an anomaly.

I'm wondering how much of the apartment our cats have destroyed. they've been on their own for three days now.

happy sickmas.

boy, this is gonna be an xmas to remember...

last day of work, one of my coworkers had come down with a cold. she caught it from another coworker. she also decided to use my desk for about half an hour. talked on the phone, used my computer, all that. but then made a point of taking me pen, because she "got her germs all over it." lo and behold, by bedtime that night I had a sore throat.

came down to see my family. had to go to a crappy funeral for my aunt's father in law. wasn't even related to the guy, barely knew him. had a couple awkward moments there too... first was when the pastor made a tim allen joke (complete with grunting) about the deceased. second was the anecdote about how he shot down a low flying japanese bomber during WWII by shooting and killing the pilot, and how the salvaged wreckage of the plane gave the US some sort of advantage gained by reverse engineering the plane and all that. to hear the guy tell the story, this dead guy single handedly turned the war. you'd think he shot down the friggin' death star. and of course I had to point out to miyuki that not only was she the only asian in the entire church (it's friggin' longview, people), but we were actually mourning someone who killed one of her people. my family couldn't believe I said that, at least until my dad swore in church. "none of this shit for me," I believe his words were. my sister was in shock that he said "shit" inside a church. I REALLY wanted to say "fuck yeah!" but didn't have the balls.

anyway, we're thinking maybe the food at the sons of norway reception afterwards was tainted. my toddler nephew already had a stomach bug, but last night my sister started ralphing everywhere as well. and today my bro in law an another nephew got sick as well. there's one healthy nephew out fo the whole clan, and that may not last til morning.

because my sister got sick, she had to cancel our plans for an "ethnic double date"... she really wanted to try some new cuisine. we were thinking indian or japanese. when they cancelled, we asked my parents. they said definitely no way to japanese, but offered to try indian. and they sincerely seemed impressed at the time. today, however, they described it as "looking like baby shit"... oh well. it's a wonder I'm even related to them.

and tonight, my mom came down with a nasty cold. probably from me. miyuki has a bit of a sore throat, but we don't know yet if she's getting sick or not. my dad is also so far unaffected, but who knows if he'll stay that way.

my nana will probably use all of this as an excuse to boycott all the xmas festivities, too. she usually finds some reason to not go anyway, but this will be closer to a real excuse. we don't know what's going on with my grandma. we visited her in the rest home today, and she was REALLY out of it. kept mumbling about how she needed to renew her drivers license. two problems with that: her birthday is in july, and she hasn't had a drivers license in at least ten years anyway. my dad has once again prophesised this to be her last xmas. he's said that every year for as long as I can remember. he may be right this time around. miyuki and I have agreed that we hope humanity pulls its head out of its ass in the next fifty years and realises euthanasia is a good thing. it's much cheaper than a one wa ticket to the north pole, after all. mmmm, ice floes.

time for bed. I threatened my mom with waking up at 3am to open presents. you know, for old time's sake. she wasn't amused.

bad day.

had my worst day so far at the new job. still better than most days at the last job, but it's frustrating nonetheless.

my job is officially miracle worker. customers make ridiculous demands, salespeople promise to meet said ridiculous demands. net result? pissed off customers yelling at pissed off salespeople yelling at me, for failing to do something I told them was impossible to begin with. whatever. we have to ship out a huge job by friday, and it won't be done. but because of xmas, it HAS to ship friday to get there in time to be unloaded before the holiday. gee, too bad the customer changed the specs on us last week and we had to scramble to get new parts in and deal with all the hassles of changing a unit that was already half built...

but that's not why today sucked. sure, I had to spend much of my day on the shop floor, trying to help build shit with zero mechanical inclination... but that's normal.

no, today sucked because they killed xmas. or more specifically, they killed the xmas break. the powers that be decided that since the week off at the end of the year was ACTUALLY supposed to be a week off in july, anyone who wasn't around there in july doesn't get the week off. so while everyone else will be enjoying their week off of paid holiday time, I, along with the three other "newbies" have the choice of taking the time off unpaid, or working. except if the shop guys decide to work, I HAVE to work. if I luck out and they decide they just want the time off unpaid, I'll be "on call"... if a customer needs a parts order shipped out quickly, I'll get called into work to write the order, fill it and ship it. I'm not totally opposed to that, as it would probably amount to less than an hour's worth of work each day... but it's just the idea of being told I'd have this week off, paid, at the end of the year, and then have them renege on that two weeks before it's supposed to happen...

santacon in visual representation. y'know, pictures.

santa madness. can you guess which pics were taken of me sober, and which were the drunken, unconscious, not-quite-puking santa?







battle-damaged santa pics. you know, from where the bastards bit me.

24 hours after the crash.

I'm feeling almost normal again.

we ended up trying a new place for breakfast today. I really wanted hattie's bennies, but they weren't open at 8am. wtf? so we went to the hi-life instead. it was pretty good. miyuki got something called "eggs with busted yolks" that was INSANELY spicy. my "italian farmhouse" was quite tasty. they had awesome toast too, some fancy 12 grain bread or something.

watched some football. slobbed about for awhile. then we went for pho (my second time in 24 hours, such a helpful broth) with jenn and caught a matinee of chronicles of narnia. in true jenn fashion, she hated it and complained the whole time. what I found most baffling was her complain that lucy, the youngest kid, spent half the movie crying. I'm pretty sure if I were five years old and ended up in narnia, I'd be doing a lot more than crying. I did find the jebes imagery a tad annoying, but I knew what I was getting myself into. the general concensus of "it was like lord of the rings, but for kids!" seemed apt.

not much else has happened today. I did get a confirmation that I am not needed (read: wanted) at inventory out in redmond. means my weekend is free to slob about some more, and I get to take a bit of satisfaction in knowing they are TOTALLY screwed. jenn also mentioned that the warehouse skank (who may or may not have been boinking the boss) is the new buyer at the branch. imagine that. they're doomed.

oh, and in some sort of miracle, I pulled off an upset in my fantasy football playoff game. I had an off week, but the other guy had a spectacular meltdown. last season I finished in dead last, now I'm guaranteed no worse than a 4th place finish. not bad, considering I know dick all about football...

I don't wanna go to work tomorrow. I've barely recovered from my albeit self inflicted santa insaity. I want another day to relax. poop. but hey, I have nine days to work the rest of the YEAR, so that's cool.

now, everyone cross your nads that miyuki gets a call back for a second interview tomorrow for the awesome job she applied for. she thinks there were eight applicants for two positions, and I gotta figure her immediate availability gives her some sort of edge.

"OW!" is not a safeword.

I have survived my first santacon! it was touch and go for awhile there.

I picked up piper and his friend at their hotel around 11:15, and we headed back to my place to get changed into our santa suits. we had pho for lunch. and seeing as it was a peer pressure weekend, I managed to get myself into a hot oil pissing contest. there are no winners when it comes to adding unnecessary heat to food, and I lost anyway. I had by far the least hot oil added, and still ended up in the most pain. I think I even got some in my eye. when we left, I forgot my white santa gloves at the restaurant. first casualty of the day.

after lunch, we ventured out in search of the other santii. I was only vaguely sure where we were going, which got me much shit. "wait, don't you LIVE here?!" I also was chastised for not following the rules when someone asked if there was a santa convention or something. I just smiled, and I guess I nodded a bit. big no-no. from that point on, I stuck to the official party line when people asked. I usually jusy played dumb... someone approaches me out of two hundred santas, asks why we're all dressed up.... blank look, "what do you mean?" another good one was "why AREN'T you dressed up?"

had a shot of jagermeister, again peer pressure being a bitch. we then left the smoke shop and made our way towards archie mcphee. the red bull car showed up and much free red bull was imbibed. this was 1:30, and it would end up being the last nutritive thing I'd ingest the rest of the day.

after archie mcphee, and harassing a meter maid out front, we made our way to the old pequliar. my fave ballard bar, it was also the only one I would make it to. ironic, no? I keep meaning to visit the dozen or so ballard bars I've never been to, and I don't even last long enough for the pub crawl. anyway, at the P someone handed me a pitcher of newcastle, so I drank some of that. mostly I stayed outside the bar and rang my bell at traffic. I was amazed to be the only santa with a bell. one of those really annoying salvation army type bells too. while we were waving at traffic, some cars had their windows down so we gave out candy canes. in the highlight of my day, I likely destroyed the spirit of xmas for some little kid who will now require years of therapy... a car was driving by about 10mph, kid in the front seat with with the window down... so I lobbed a candy cane in the car, perfect arc and anything. only the kid didn't catch it. it hit him right in the forehead, and shattered. piper immediately pointed at me and started shouting "NAUGHTY!" so of course I pointed to the guy next to me and did the same, just to shift the blame. it was beautiful. I can just imagine being in a police lineup with five other santas... "can you pick out the bastard who did this to you?"

after the pequliar it was bowling. and I was drunk by this point. my listerine bottle was nearly empty. it originally contained a 375mL mickey of 100 proof rumpleminze. piper changed the price of gas at the gas station we walked past. twice. I ended up with the six, he got the three. bowling while drunk is really difficult. turns out I'm REALLY good at hitting the ten pin and nothing else.

at the bowling alley was where things got weird tho. after our game was done, I was talking with piper and a couple of his friends. they were asking why I had a "nice" sticker one, and I said it was because it was my first santacon, and I'm a fairly boring person compared to the burning man freaky-freaky crowd that was there. somehow they took this as an invitation to initiate me. I have at least ten distinct bite marks. arms, shoulders, back, even one on my thigh. these aren't your normal bitemarks either, the playful biting I'm used to. these bruises are going to be here for a long time. and I don't even bruise normally. they even still HURT. the first layer of skin is even broken in a couple of places, despite having two layers of clothing on at the time. when I was screaming "OW!" the whole time, they just kept saying, "if you want us to stop, just say the safeword." seeing as they didn't tell me a safeword, I thought "OW!" would have been sufficient. at the end they told me, I can't even remember what it was. "banana" or something. that's where I learned I am definitely not a masochist.

at this point I stumbled home. miyuki laughed at me, took a couple pictures (they'll follow later), I drank some water, disrobed to my undies and went to bed. this was at 5:30pm. I got up three times to vomit and drink more water. turns out that was the problem. each time I drank water, I had to vomit. so I finally just went to bed. got up three hours later, drank a liter of water. repeated the process another three hours later. after twelve hours of restless sleep, I'm feeling mostly alive.

piper wants me to head down to portland next weekend for their santacon. oh no. I don't even want to think about booze for a long time. last night will forever be up there with some of my all-time great drunks. and they've all taken at least a month to get over completely.

I'm wondering where I fit in yesterday as well. for the most part, it was freaky burning man types. but there were some normal people there too, even old normal people. santa suits ranging from fairly nice professional suits to a santa bathrobe to one girl wearing red chaps and panties. there were more girls there than I expected, but it was still mostly a sausage fest. and most of the girls seemed to be enjoying the attention, if you know what I mean.

final verdict, will I go again next year? probably. but I'm definitely sticking to beer in actual bars next time. liquor gets me in trouble ever damn time I drink it.

santa has chicken legs.

so I decided to try on my santa suit tonight. y'know, see if miyuki has a santa fetish, etc. no dice on that front. but I did learn one thing. the people who make cheap ass santa suits that party city sells seem to think santa has chicken legs.

maybe you don't know this about me, but I have GREAT legs. the beer gut, the lack of upper body definition, the big nose... not my good features. but my legs? I have great legs. thighs like tree trunks, huge calves with lots of definition. I attribute my legs partly to genetics, partly years of swimming. anyway, my calves are bigger than most guys' biceps. I actually measured them. 22 inch thighs, 19 inch calves. woo. and they don't fit in the damn santa boot covers.

I've had to remove nearly six inches of stitches to just to pull them on. if it weren't for the fact that I'll be running around in a crappy felt santa suit, and I'll be shitfaced, I might be concerned about the tackiness of having a large hole in the back of my boots where you can see skin...

I'm really looking forward to santacon. my listerine rumpleminze is awesome. it burns like hell, but it's so tasty.

not much else to report. but everyone feel free to wish miyuki happy birthday. she's old on friday. she keeps trying to tell me her birthday is thursday, but I think she just wants her prezzies early.

oi oi oi.

santacon preparations are essentially complete. I've acquired a $30 santa suit, an annoying bell, and enough hooch to keep me obnoxiously drunk all day. I bought a mickey of rumplemintz. 100 proof, roughly 10 shots. I also got some green food colouring and an empty listerine bottle. I wasn't gonna go for the pinesol bottles or anything, as cool as that looks. drinking listerine will look hobo enough, without risking any real harm. now I'm just waiting for next saturday.

I also finally got my 401k rollover cheques. a little over ten grand going into a fidelity IRA (moderately agressive to mature in 2040), and $1700 to cash out with tax penalties. we're putting a thousand in ING and won't touch it til we buy a house. the other $700 is going into the compy fund. I'm getting REALLY sick of my five year old laptop, so we've agreed to get a new compy with xmas monies. I've got my eye on the $1300 imac. G5, 1.7gz, superdrive, 17" LCD screen. the thing is gorgeous, and about 10x faster than this piece of shit.

miyuki also has a job interview next saturday. we're really hoping she gets this one, as it's the best position she's applied for. best pay, best benefits... there's still a chance she could fall back on my old employer, but we'd both rather avoid that.

I donated another four hours of work today in an attempt to get caught up and finally see my desk. I think I know why filing never got done by the last girl. it takes a lot of damn time and is really low priority. I'm tempted to ask for my very own file bitch. or see if I can pawn the filing off on one of the sales assistants. they just hired a new one, and it would make sense for them to do the filing...

we're gonna go see sarah silverman's jesus is magic tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it, 'cos I think she's hilarious. we've watched the comedians of comedy movie a few times on our free showtime, and I'm finding a new respect for standup comedy. the movie tomorrow should fit with the theme...

now if only the stinkin' habs could win, I'd be happy for the weekend.

it was bound to happen.

I survived my first month at the new job without getting seriously yelled at. by a day.

this morning I got my ass reamed by a customer. guy was a TOTAL dick. and while I can understand why he was upset, it sure as hell wasn't MY fault. there was a whole slew of things that went wrong with his order, and they were almost entirely beyond my control. considering I'm not even supposed to have customer contact, I wasn't amused.

otherwise, I think I'm doing okay. I'm getting a lot of praise from people, which is kind of annoying. it seems a bit like overkill, since most of the stuff they're praising for is very basic stuff. they're just so happy I'm doing things by the book, as opposed to all the shortcuts my predecessor took. there's still a lot I don't know how to do, but I'm getting more comfortable making judgment calls. and hell, half the time I'm not even pulling them out of my ass!

in other news, my friend jenn decided to take the anchorage position that I turned down. I'm a bit surprised by that. it'll suck, since she's the only friend we've got in seattle we see regularly, but it also may lead to an opening for her old position. and as much as I don't want to put miyuki at my old company, she's not thrilled at the idea of doing job interviews. if she could get jenn's old job, she wouldn't need to do much interviewing. pros and cons either way.

oh, and I'm about damn ready to give up on hockey. it's just pissing me off. canucks can't pull their heads out of their asses, particularly against colorado (who they've only played eighteen times already)... yeah, we know, you hate bertuzzi. jesus. but as bad as they are, montreal is even worse. fucking worthless habs. and since my fantasy team is two thirds canucks or habs, I'm getting slaughtered at it. funny thing about losing too, I rapidly lose interest when I lose at things.

blah. I may as well just go to bed...