four weeks and counting.

it's been over four weeks since I was let go. over four weeks of doing very little aside from household chores.

even tho I have unemployment benefits that are paying nearly as much as I would have brought home in paycheque form, I can't help but feel like I'm not pulling my weight. I've read articles about how layoffs affect men harder than women, because men tie up so much of their self-worth in their jobs. and it's true. maybe if I had kids, I could focus on being a father or something. but really, other than picking up a few extra chores around the house, it's not as if my role as "husband" has expanded greatly.

no, I'm just starting to feel kind of worthless. and to add insult to injury, if I'm not employed by next friday, I have to go into the unemployment office for a three hour orientation to services the UO offers. so far I've yet to actually deal with anyone, it's all been automated and painless. I keep a log of my job searches and that's it. as of next friday, I'll actually have to face other people, in a public setting, and I'll feel ashamed for being unemployed. I may not have the strongest work ethic out there, but I've always taken some pride in my work, and especially in the fact that I'd never been fired from a job.

I have two strong leads for work, both wholesalers and competition of my former employer. both have expressed interest, but progress towards an actual job offer has been very slow, due to the economy. I've even been through the drug screen portion of the hiring process with one, yet it's been three days since I've heard anything back from them.

more than anything, I'd like to begin working while it's still april. that way, on my resume if will simply list my last job ending 3/09 and new job beginning 4/09. that won't look bad ten or fifteen years down the road if I'm looking for a new job, it won't look like a gap at all. if this drags into may (or beyond), I'll suddenly have a gap to explain. and sure, people will remember the recession (depression?) of '09, but that still doesn't look good.

I want to go back to work. I want to do what I know and have been doing most of the past decade. I don't want to start over at the bottom rung of some unfamiliar industry, and need to build a new network of contacts and start with an entry level salary again...

I want someone to call me with a job offer, dammit.

'cos my life needed to get worse.

lost my job. lost "my" house. starting to lose my mind. and now, lost my identity.

my oldest credit card, from bank of america (formerly mbna, formerly wamu) has been compromised. about a dozen fraudulent charges showed up, BoA caught them and closed the account. in the meantime, someone also got their hands my cell phone number and an old email address. I was receiving text spams until I called AT&T to block all texting (at twenty cent a pop, that's fucking expensive spam), and have been receiving a call or two every hour from various places that claim I signed up with them online... bankruptcy lawyers, car loans, weight loss programs, criminal justice distance education... the kind of shite you see advertised on telly, and generally less than reputable business endeavours. one of them suspected fraud and tried to verify the email addy, was surprised to find it was my old hotmail addy. my disposable account that I use for places I don't want to get spammed from.

weird thing is tho, I never use the BoA card online. even the online purchases I've made with that contact addy, it's always been amex. there was a fraud alert from BoA on that addy, looked legit (most phishing scams are pretty weak), so I called them. they said they don't have that addy on file. he pulled up an old account, which was closed year ago, and it DID have hotmail on file. he didn't know where that alert came from, so I forwarded it to their phishing department. they've closed the account and flagged all of the fraudulent charges as bogus.

this still sucks a lot of balls. I'm getting a ton of phone calls I don't want, and feel as though my whole life has been compromised. I've contacted the credit bureaus to put alerts on my accounts, but I can't do an actual freeze without a police report, and I can't file a police report until BoA responds to me with their investigation.

when it rains, it really fucking pours. napalm.

I hate my life.

sigh.

I get my first unemployment cheque in the next couple days. it will be my first taste of "welfare" and I'm not proud of it.

I've been looking for work, but it's not easy in this economy. I have one promising lead, and should hear back on that next week. I had another interview last week at a wholesaler in kent, but they were only looking for outside sales. the commute would have been awful, and i don't have the personality for outside sales.

I've been trying to keep my spirits up, but I'm getting bored. I've been playing video games, and recently decided to netflix the entire BSG series and finally get around to watching it. I've been pacing myself on the job apps and searches to three a week, since I need to make three contacts a week to keep the unemployment rolling in.

in three weeks, I can go into the seattle animal shelter for an orientation and start volunteering there, working with kitties and puppies in the shelter. hoping that will offer some sort of fulfillment.

I've also been bugging miyuki about getting a baby kitty, in the hopes playing with a kitten would cheer me up during the day. she's not convinced yet.

all of this has been a mixed blessing. I was truly unhappy with my old job. but I was also really looking forward to having my own house, and knowing that we've missed a golden opportunity hurts. by the time we've recovered and will be ready to buy, the recession could be over, and the historically low interest rates will have certainly gone up. we won't be able to afford as much house, and will likely need to settle for something less than what we hoped for. that makes me sad.

I do have to wonder why all the crap has been piled up all at once, and I'm wondering what's going to fall on my head next.