there are last meals, and then there are last meals...

went for my last supper before my month pf penance... miyuki recommended the lunchbox laboratory in ballard. damn, was it worth it.

I got the "bad karma" burger... a heaping mount of lamb patty, oozing melted gruyere, dripping sauteed onions... for my side I got the cheesiest damn mac and cheese ever, and washed it all down with the most amazing boston creme pie milkshake I can possibly imagine... we're definitely going back there in june. and we're walking next time, all thirty-some blocks to get there. I'm pretty sure I consumed about 2000 calories for dinner tonight.

but that's good, 'cos 8am tomorrow is weigh in. the prize pool is up to four hundred dollars (!), as our district manager not only joined in, but kicked in an extra benjamin to the pool.

$400 for the person who loses the most... pretty sure I'll clock in third or fourth in the overall weight category (out of ten entrants), and I'm the youngest of the top six by weight. given the amount of weight I could potentially lose, and my relative young age, I'm feeling good about my odds. throw in the fact I plan to go vegetarian for the entire month, and I'm pretty sure I'm the only one with a gym membership, and I'll be pretty damn disappointed if I lose.

I'm setting the ridiculous goal of losing 25 pounds in 30 days, or 10% of my body weight. realistically, I'll be happy with 15 pounds lost, but it's good to have lofty goals...

this just got interesting...

the weight loss contest is getting ridiculously big.

I was bugging my boss for "corporate sponsorship" thinking he'd match our prize cashpot out of the branch party fund. he refused. his logic was my dad (another branch manager) would never throw money away like that.

my dad called me last night, so I mentioned it to him. he told me HE would double it for us. just to make my boss look bad (they've know each other for 20+ years, it's a friendly rivalry sort of thing).

so our pool went from $50 to $100 right there. so my boss finally caved and offered to throw in another $100.

the thought of $200 waiting to be claimed enticed some of the skinny kids in the branch to ante up as well, so we're now up to eight contestants and $260 in prizes. I'm hoping to find another two people and make it an even $300.

the crazy thing is, some of the newbie kids aren't fat. one guy is 184, and he's in great shape. his logic is since we're going by body weight percentage lost, not total pounds (to level the playing field), he wouldn't have to lose as much.

my goal is to drop 25 pounds, or 10%. for him to beat that, he'd have to lose over 18 pounds, basically dropping to 165. that sounds REALLY unhealthy to me. I'd love to be in the shape he is.

I'm not sure why the skinny kids are doing it... seems odd. it originally started out as some incentive for the fatties to lose some weight before summer. these kids are just joining out of greed. they're talking about gimmick diets and shit. I'm hoping I can lose weight and maintain it, by getting used to eating healthier, controlling my portions, and even eating more slowly. I want to get into good habits and continue with them, not just give up on the "diet" after a month and gain all the weight back.

I'm shooting for 25 pounds. I'd be happy with 20. winning the money would just be gravy.

delicious gravy.

I hate reality television.

so word of my plan to go vegetarian for an entire month has quickly spread around my office. there has been much ridicule, and several comments of how I will be easily tormented... one girl even threatened to eat a plate of bacon for lunch every day in front of me. she weighs 95 pounds, so she just might.

one of my coworkers mentioned we should do a branch wide "biggest loser" competition. and he's actually got four people signed up. his logic is, we all kick in $10 at the beginning, and whoever loses the most weight by the end of the month takes the cashpot.

I'm not sure what to think of this. for one thing, I have an advantage that I had to point out. I weigh close to 250, two of the other three guys are around 200. it would be a LOT easier for me to lose ten pounds than them, so I think we agreed to go with % of weight lost as opposed to actual weight.

but the other thing is my vegetarian diet. if I really do cut out all meat from my diet (I may still eat fish, not sure yet. my logic is "if it don't got feet, it ain't meat".), I'll have a distinct advantage with that as well. plus, I don't think any of the other guys have gym memberships. they're all older (forty-ish to early fifties). it's gonna be REALLY sad if I can't take their money.

I just wish they'd call it something OTHER than "biggest loser"... it makes me feel cheap and dirty.

why do I bother?

I've noticed something that warrants scientific study. the more interested I am in something, the worse it ends up. this is particularly relevant to the matter of sport.

I wasn't able towatch much hockey this year. my fave team, the montreal canadiens, finished first in their conference, something they hadn't accomplished in nearly twenty years. the only games I got to watch were against toronto or ottawa, and it seems like they lost just about all of them.

now that it's the playoffs, I can watch EVERY game. and save for one, every game I've watched, they've lost. every game I haven't, they've won.

I try not to be superstitious. sure, I'll bribe the cats to get me goals, but that rarely works (since that implies I'm watching, and therefore they are losing). but I don't actually believe they have any sway over the outcome.

this goes back for years. perhaps its the paranoia of growing up in seattle. in 2001, the mariners tied a record by winning 116 games in a season. they didn't make it to the world series. a few years back, the stinkhawks made it to the stupidbowl, only to have the outcome pretty obviously rigged (when national telecasters are pointing out how bullshit the officiating is, I'm willing to chalk that up as more than "hometown bias").

if I have a vested interest in a positive outcome, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy of doom. and it's really putting me off of sports.

it doesn't help that the group of people I've been playing fantasy hockey and baseball with is about ready to lynch me (considering near constant interaction with many of them for over five years, that isn't surprising), I'm giving some serious thought to just quitting sports altogether.

it's not even that I'm all that interested in sports. I've mostly just followed them as the one conersation piece I can have with those around me. the industry I work in is hardly sophistimacated, I don't get very far discussing foreign films or classic literature. sports are about the only thing I can have anything resembling a "normal" conversation with the simpletons I work around without being dismissed as weird.

I'm about to say "fuck it" and write off those conversations. it's not like the small talk has gotten me anywhere anyway. and they all know I'm a freak. why pretend?

so habs fans, I apologise... I'll quit watching hockey at once, and maybe they can salvage their stanley cup run...

my brainmeats hurt.

one of the drivers at my work scares the fuck out of me. he's really creepy. I do my best to avoid him, because he freaks me out so much. I've only had three conversations with him in two months. I'm pretty sure he has at least three bodies buried in his backyard.

the first conversation:

max: those are cool glasses.
me: thanks?
max: you should get them tinted so no one can see your eyes!
me: uhhh... [walks away]


second conversation, interrupting me talking with boss:

max: I need to go to the dentist, and I don't have my insurance card yet. who do I call?
boss: beth in human resources.
max: what's her number?
boss: 1-2-3-4.
max: is that all I have to dial?
me: it's [actual number].
max: wow, you have that memorized?
me: I used to work at corporate, and can remember numbers easily.
max: I don't even know my phone number. I know both of my library card numbers though!
me: uhhhh... [walks away]


the third one, and perhaps the most surreal, happened today on the phone:

max: hello?
me: max, this is christian. are you still in auburn?
max: christian... [last name]?
me: yes. are you in auburn still?
max: I don't know where I am.
me: are you anywhere near sumner? I need to pick up some pallets at our DC in sumner.
max: I'm next to Lowe's hardware.
me: in auburn?
max: sumner... washington?
me: yes. are you near there?
max: no, I'm back in seattle.
me: nevermind. [hangs up]

there are several problems with this conversation... the first is, how many people named "christian" are calling this fucker on his work-provided nextel? it's not exactly a common name. in fact, of the 400+ employees in my entire company, I'm the only one named "christian". second, why would anyone assume "sumner" to refer to anything OTHER than the town called sumner twenty miles from seattle, for a conversation in seattle? especially when I told him I needed something at our DC. in sumner. washington. and third, why the fuck does a professional truck driver not know where the hell he is while making a delivery?

what kind of day has it been?

today started off with the potential to be awesome. it has pretty much failed to live up to billing at every turn.

miyuki got mariners tickets from work for today's game. erik bedard was scheduled to pitch. he's the "ace" pitcher the mariners traded their top prospects to get. five players in all went to baltimore, including their would-be starting right fielder (and future all star) and their best left-handed relief pitcher.

so what happened today? bedard was scratched from a second straight start due to a hip condition. instead, a south korean kid got the start, pitched fairly well, but got yanked in the fifth inning after giving up two runs. a respectable outing, really. the guy who replaced him? let two more of baek's baserunners score before letting six across the dish himself.

but it wasn't entirely his fault. no, some of the other joys we got to see were miguel cairo playing third base, instead of the gold glove adrian beltre. cairo played terribly. beltre would have made at least three outs on plays cairo couldn't pull off. but what was worse, the right fielder today was mike morse. I really like morse, the guy can rake. but he's a shortstop who probably should play first base or designated hitter. he badly misplayed two fly balls in the outfield leading to several runs. and just when he would have had the opportunity to redeem himself, to atone for his sins, he was replaced. he was up with the bases loaded, down by six runs, and they yanked him in favour of a pinch hitter. the guy right after him? miguel cairo, who proceeded to ground out. they pinch hit for the guy who mashed all spring long, trying to prove himself and had some obvious incentive to hit well, and then let the worst hitter on the team effectively kill any rally they may have had. pure genius.

so the star pitcher didn't play. the right fielder botched several plays (adam jones would have made them). and the bullpen REALLY sucked today. it's a bill bavasi hat trick! how that guy still has a job amazes me... almost as much as I'm amazed at how the manager still has a job. he obviously doesn't know how to utilize the assets he's given.

worst part was, it was much colder at the stadium than I anticipated, so I was really uncomfortable as well. I missed catching a foul ball by inches because some moron in front of me (without a mitt) made a half assed attempt at it and blocked me out. he didn't even bend down to reach for it at his feet after he dropped it. I've been to hundreds of baseball games and never caught a ball. that would have meant a LOT to me.

but the day was already shit. we went to pyramid for lunch. my beer was skunky, the food wasn't good, and it was ridiculously overpriced.

so we left the game during the seventh inning stretch, so I could get home in time for the puck drop in boston. habs played like shit, and the refs certainly didn't help them out.

I really do wonder why I even bother with sports. I invest too much of my happiness in the outcomes, and end up in a REALLY pissy mood when my teams lose.

so today has been about as shitty as it could have been. which is sad, since it seemed like it'd be so good. I was going to my first baseball game of the year, going to watch bedard dominate the division rivals, and then come home to watch montreal beat boston for the fourteenth straight time.

I'm a big fat 0-fer on the day.

and now I have to go back to work tomorrow. I may not even bother watching the simpsons tonight. instead I'll probably just go to bed.

I've already shaved a bit. was planning on not shaving during the habs run, but my attempts at facial hair are always tragic. so I've pared it down to sideburns and a chinstrap. if they lose tuesday in boston, I'll probably take the chin strap down to a chin beard. lose again, it goes and I'll be left with 'burns. lose again and even they're gone. I'm trying to stick to facial hair I have a proven track record with. unfortunately, it all looks ridiculous no matter what I do.

just another disappointment.