four weeks and counting.

it's been over four weeks since I was let go. over four weeks of doing very little aside from household chores.

even tho I have unemployment benefits that are paying nearly as much as I would have brought home in paycheque form, I can't help but feel like I'm not pulling my weight. I've read articles about how layoffs affect men harder than women, because men tie up so much of their self-worth in their jobs. and it's true. maybe if I had kids, I could focus on being a father or something. but really, other than picking up a few extra chores around the house, it's not as if my role as "husband" has expanded greatly.

no, I'm just starting to feel kind of worthless. and to add insult to injury, if I'm not employed by next friday, I have to go into the unemployment office for a three hour orientation to services the UO offers. so far I've yet to actually deal with anyone, it's all been automated and painless. I keep a log of my job searches and that's it. as of next friday, I'll actually have to face other people, in a public setting, and I'll feel ashamed for being unemployed. I may not have the strongest work ethic out there, but I've always taken some pride in my work, and especially in the fact that I'd never been fired from a job.

I have two strong leads for work, both wholesalers and competition of my former employer. both have expressed interest, but progress towards an actual job offer has been very slow, due to the economy. I've even been through the drug screen portion of the hiring process with one, yet it's been three days since I've heard anything back from them.

more than anything, I'd like to begin working while it's still april. that way, on my resume if will simply list my last job ending 3/09 and new job beginning 4/09. that won't look bad ten or fifteen years down the road if I'm looking for a new job, it won't look like a gap at all. if this drags into may (or beyond), I'll suddenly have a gap to explain. and sure, people will remember the recession (depression?) of '09, but that still doesn't look good.

I want to go back to work. I want to do what I know and have been doing most of the past decade. I don't want to start over at the bottom rung of some unfamiliar industry, and need to build a new network of contacts and start with an entry level salary again...

I want someone to call me with a job offer, dammit.