I need a new job.
as if getting yelled at by underlings wasn't enough, I've got a boss who won't let up on my wardrobe.
today it was "suggested" for the fourth time in the past month that I do something about my appearance. he thinks I should dress up to impress the shop monkeys. guys who wear baseball caps, filthy jeans and t-shirts sporting questionable slogans. guys who treat me as a glorified secretary. they're not gonna care if I shown up in a damn tuxedo, complete with top hat and tails.
yet my boss thinks my jeans and polo shirt attire isn't professional enough. forget that the buyer, who is essentially at the same level of professionalism I am (mostly office, significant shop time, plus he deals with vendors) gets away with jeans and t-shirts all the time.
no, I need to wear collar shirts and they need to be tucked in. I need to wear a belt (I already do wear a belt, it's what keeps my pants up). I need to wear pants that aren't so baggy.
now, I have an abnormal physiology. I have huge tree trunks for legs. it's a genetic thing, and probably wasn't helped by spending half of my formative teenage years swimming competitvely. my thighs are 23.5" around. my calves are 18" around. most peoples' THIGHS aren't even 18". hell, my thighs are bigger than runway models WAISTS. I simply can't wear most pants. I can wear loose fit jeans comfortably, and without ripping out the crotch or something. and I have no ass to speak of, so even with a belt, my pants tend to droop a bit.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do about this. I can't afford to go buy a whole new wardrobe, nor do I think I should have to. nearly all of the inside people wear casual clothes to work everyday, nearly everyone wears jeans. I HATE tucking in shirts, and they never manage to stay tucked in anyway, which looks terrible.
I've tried explaining all this to my boss, especially the bit about wearing "tighter pants"... I don't think he understands. I'm about damn tempted to go to work in a speedo just to show off my legs.
either that, or I'm gonna go try to buy like fifteen identical outfits, all on clearance, as cheap and tacky as possible. get like five pairs of the same pants, and several of the same non-descript collar shirt. just be an office drone. I'd look like I feel most day, at least.
posted by christian @ 4:50 PM
4 Comments:
Ask for a clothing allowence/raise. Do some prelim shopping and see what it'd cost you to update your wardrobe with 3-4 new outfits (which can be tailored to squish your big butt in them). Ideally with three or four of each shirt, tie and pants you, as a male, can make a dozen outfits out of them. Stick with either warm or cool tones and stay in a range. Once you've priced out the new duds, tell your boss you're willing to step up appearances, but with a young family just getting started out, your output is just barely leveling to your input (even if not true, it sounds good). At this point either ask for a raise of 10% to compensate your new (unplanned) wardrobe budget or a bonus equivent to the whole she-bang of 3-4 full outfits (throw in a nice pair of shoes for good measure). If it's someone with math skills, they'll probably consider the bonus.
Or if you're not feeling ballsy enough to ask for that kind of change so soon after starting, hit up thrift shops and consider getting things tailored after buying them. You can save a fortune that way.
or, I can just call bullshit on him, since it's not fair to expect a dress code of me that isn't held for everyone else in the company.
eventually I'll try to get some new clothes, and I am leaning towards "non-descript corporate drone" wearing the exact same outfit every single day. think homer simpson. same white collar shirt, except the one day I wear the pink shirt and get fired for being a free thinker.
I believe you mean "Free-thinking *anarchist*".
problem with anarchy, it never lasts... eventually someone takes power and it becomes some sort of totalitarian regime.
now NIHILISM is where it's at, you.
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