dammit.

one of my worst character traits is how I deal with self-inflicted adversity. other people throw shit my way, I can usually sift through it pretty quickly. but when I fuck up, it bothers me. I'm a perfectionist and I take pride in my work. and normally I don't have problems. it's when I take on extra work or try to do too much that I get sloppy.

like this week. our shipper has been gone all week. and the backup shipper is gone today as well. I'm the backup to the backup. problem is, I don't know what I'm doing, except on the UPS shipments. I've had maybe fifteen minutes of training on every other type of shipping combined, and that was four months ago.

yesterday I forgot to consolidate a shipment. to new zealand. the big part went, the little part didn't. so today I had to ship the little part. I couldn't ship it collect like the first shipment, because it wouldn't be fair to the customer. they already paid about $700 in shipping charges (the shipment from today would have only added a few dollars). so we have to eat the charges today. $500, prepaid. $500 in lost profit, easily wiping out the entire order.

sure, everyone makes mistakes. and trust me, there have been FAR more costly mistakes here. but never by me. a $500 torpedo in the company's profits is not something I take lightly. and as a result, I'll likely be sulking about this for weeks. pennance for an otherwise petty negligence, yet I can't force myself to see it that way. it's one giant fuckup that I'll have hanging around my neck for a long time...