blah.

just had a little chat with the VP of the company, who directly oversees my boss. it wasn't a pleasant one.

I told him I wanted out of management training and out of the branch. the costs of management aren't worth the rewards. I've spoken with several people who have been more than satisfied to take the low risk, low yield routes to happiness, including one former manager in my company. he said it just isn't worth it, unless you're willing to be married to your job. and even then, it probably isn't... there's more money there, but exponentially more stress.

I also voiced my displeasure with my current situation, which isn't going to bode well. I'm trying my best to avoid the personal shit. I want to keep this professional and just get to a better place. somewhere with less stress. I can thrive under pretty much any conditions, I don't doubt my abilities. what I do doubt is my desire and ambition. maybe I'm just lazy. but I liken myself more to dave winfield... the baseball great was derided by steinbrenner as "mr. may" in response to reggie jackson being "mr. october"... reggie was a prick, but came through in the clutch, and won when it really mattered. winfield, on the other hand, was a great player that tended to wilt under the intense scrutiny of the playoff pressures.

that's me. when there's nothing on the line, I'm awesome. but the more stress you pile on, the less I'm going to succeed. call it cowardice or laziness or whatever other character flaw you want... I just don't see it as being worthwhile. can you tell I can also really empathise with ron livingston's character from office space? I just don't care that much. I'll do my job well out of personal pride, but I'm not going above and beyond the call of duty for a job and company that doesn't appreciate me in the first place. and no, it isn't worth the effort of trying to get them to appreciate me. they don't much appreciate my dad, and he's one of the best managers they have...