one door closes, a trapdoor opens...

I officially turned down anchorage today. wasn't an easy call to make. I know I wouldn't be happy up there, but in my company, it's frowned upon to decline "opportunities"... so I had resigned myself to staying where I'm at for awhile. being miserable, but at least staying in the city I love.

then I get a phone call about portland. I'm still wanted down there. and the timing might not be as bad as I had expected, meaning it's possible.

fuck. after I figure I'll stay put, now they're talking about moving me again. and it'll be harder to turn down. 15 minutes outside of portland, starting a branch from the ground up, close to family...

I was looking forward to moving back to ballard. I was looking forward to going out for sushi at sam's each week. and even more at musashi's. I was looking forward to a dozen mariners games each summer with miyuki. to once again having easy access to a half dozen awesome arthouse movie theatres.

I'm sure there's sushi in portland. and the city isn't totally devoid of movies (but it pales compared to seattle). there's no pro baseball there tho. and I don't know portland like I know seattle.

I know miyuki would prefer seattle, but I don't know how great her preference is. she's mentioned how it would be nice to be near my family. I suspect she just wants to spend time with the year old monkey nephew and not much else. and while it would mean being three hours closer to my family, it would mean being six hours away from hers instead of three. this'll be her first time away from home, and that needs to be taken into account as well. it's a lot easier for her to visit from seattle than portland.

the job would be a step up, but there wouldn't be more money. in fact, it would mean a pay cut when you factor in the income tax. and it's not like it would be moving to a cushy job like anchorage would have been. small branches provide a whole new set of stresses. it's a different environment. far more challenging, which is good, but I'm already terrible at taking work home with me. I don't think I should be compounding my stress further by taking on more...

argh. this sucks.